I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
