Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
