so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
