You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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