my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize