I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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