This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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