Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
