just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
