The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
one might say we're banned from that church
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
