I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
