after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
