A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
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