I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
