D3 body, D1 cock
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
