How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Too much gin, very little bucket
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
