I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
