I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
And then he peed in my hair
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