nut hugger
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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