I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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