You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
