Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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