I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
