He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
