I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I need water and some morals
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
