Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
