both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
