whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize