Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
