the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
