yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
