every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
