Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize