Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
