This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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