Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
