It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
