Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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