if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
