Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
