Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
