I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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