I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
