I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
