You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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