I'm passing your future prison.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize