guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
