i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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