He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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