i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
