Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize