woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize