ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
