There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
