It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
