Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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