It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
