theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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