Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
