I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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