four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Randomize
