Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
